Reflections from a Therapist’s Chair

by Amy Hodgson, Ed.S., LPC-S, NCC, BC-TMH

As a therapist, I witness firsthand the profound impact that communication—both effective and ineffective—has on our relationships and sense of self. Despite the emphasis placed on good communication in our culture, I often see clients struggling with misunderstandings that leave them feeling isolated, unheard, or undervalued. The irony is striking: the more we talk about the need to connect, the more apparent it becomes that genuine understanding can be elusive.

Why Does Miscommunication Persist?
From my years of listening to people’s stories, it’s clear that communication is more than just exchanging words. Each client brings their own history, emotions, and expectations into every conversation. Miscommunications happen not because we don’t care, but because we’re human—fallible, shaped by past wounds and current anxieties. Sometimes, the technology we rely on—text messages, emails, online chats—adds additional layers of complexity, stripping away nuance and making it virtually impossible to read intention or emotion.

Listening to Respond vs. Listening to Understand
In sessions, I often invite clients to notice how they listen. Do they tune in to truly understand their partner, family member, or colleague—or are they poised to defend, justify, or “win”? I notice that when we listen just to respond, we miss the opportunity to witness someone’s full experience. It’s as if our minds are racing ahead, preparing replies rather than being present. The shift—listening to understand—can be transformative. It’s not always comfortable, but when clients try it, the conversations tend to deepen, and the tension gives way to empathy.

Shifting the Focus: What Is Right, Not Who Is Right
Therapy rooms weren’t intended to be battlegrounds for who is right. Instead, they’re sanctuaries where we explore what is right for the relationship, the family, or the individual. When we move away from debate and toward collaboration, solutions emerge that honor everyone’s needs and perspectives. I’ve seen families move from gridlock to connection simply by agreeing to seek understanding first. The focus becomes: “How can we all feel safe, heard, and respected?”—rather than “How can I prove my point?”

The Outcomes of Effective Communication
When someone feels truly heard in therapy, something shifts. Shoulders drop. Tears might fall. Relief and hope enter the room. This sense of being valued and understood is extraordinarily powerful—it’s the foundation for healing and growth. My role is to facilitate conversations where all parties feel safe enough to share, listen, and find common ground. The process is rarely linear, but it’s always worthwhile.

Strengthening Bonds in a Divisive World
I believe that the connections we nurture in therapy are microcosms of what’s possible in the wider world. When people learn to communicate more openly and compassionately with those close to them, they strengthen bonds that anchor them through life’s challenges. In this era of division and discord, these skills are vital. One honest, empathic conversation can ripple outward, influencing families, workplaces, and communities.

In my practice, I am reminded daily that miscommunication is part of the human condition—but so is the capacity to change. When we commit to listening deeply and seeking understanding, we transform relationships and, little by little, help mend the divides in society. As a therapist, it’s a sacred privilege to witness these moments of connection—and to support others in making them a reality beyond the therapy room.